Suffering, therefore, must make sense to us not as a vague universal necessity, but as something demanded by our own personal destiny. When I see my trials not as the collision of my life with a blind machine called fate, but as the sacramental gift of Christ’s love, given to me by God the Father along with my identity and my very name, then I can consecrate them and myself with them to God. For then I really that my suffering is not my own. It is the Passion of Christ, stretching out its tendrils into my life in order to bear rich clusters of grapes, making my soul dizzy with the wine of Christ’s love, and pouring that wine as strong as fire upon the whole world.

Thomas Merton, No Man is an Island.

I am continuing to learn that the most intense seasons and occasions of devastation that have occurred in my life were brought about by my attempts to either avoid suffering, or to misuse it/suffer badly.

On the flip side, I am grateful for the reality of the fruit that suffering, rightly born, produces. What’s more, it’s not just in my life, but it overflows into the lives of the people around me.

Hi everyone. I wanted to send something out that was a bit more personal, and talk about some things that I’m thinking about and dabbling in.

NEWS

For those of you who know me, you know a lot has happened in the past few months. It was (sometimes still is) a season of deep sadness, grief, regret, confusion, suffering and devastation. At the same time, it has also been a season of redemption, peace, clarity, insight, and growth.

Through the journey—with all of the ups and downs—God has met with me, through friends and family, and also through occasional moments and consolations, when there’s really no other way to say it accept to say that “God showed up” in amazingly peaceful, subtle—and utterly personal—ways.

In other words, everything I’d ever read or wrote about the Gospel and spirituality is true.

I’m still processing how I will share my story, but I’m taking that one step at a time. For now, here are some things:

First of all, I’ve been thinking about and exploring some new and exciting creative ideas, and that is causing me to re-think this website. I’m going to be tinkering a bit with http://www.thisisericcase.com, along with the format of my writing and posting. I’ll do my best to keep everyone up to date, but stay tuned for some changes and updates.

MUSIC+

Musically, somewhere around February I opened my eyes and realized that somehow I’d written an album’s worth of songs. My band and I worked off and on through the winter to record them, and hopefully it will be ready for release this fall. Until then, please stay tuned to my Facebook page (please head over there and give a “Like”) for updates.

(PS: If you want an official Eric Case Band t-shirt, just let me know, and I’ll figure out how to make that happen.)

If you’re in Tallahassee or North Florida, we are playing a very special show with our friends, the Sarah Mac Band, on July 26 at the Tallahassee Theatre. I think that the show is officially sold out, but stay in touch for any last minute tickets or no-shows.

WHAT I’VE BEEN READING AND LISTENING TO

In case you’re into this sort of thing, here are some books I’ve been taking in:

• Falling Upward by Richard Rohr
• Universal Christ, by Richard Rohr
• No Man is an Island, by Thomas Merton
• Open Mind, Open Heart, by Thomas Keating
• How We Love, by Milan and Kay Yerkovich
• The Lord of the Rings Trilogy, by J.R.R. Tolkien
• A New Pair of Glasses, by Chuck C.

There’s plenty more, but that short list has been pretty helpful and influential in recent weeks.

As far as music goes, here are just a couple tasty morsels:

• Let’s Rock by The Black Keys (so, so good)
• Anima Mysterium, by Yugen Blakrok (dark, mysterious South African hip-hop)
• Sons by The Heavy

I’ve also been digesting a lot of Tom Petty, Grateful Dead (particularly American Beauty and Europe ‘72), and Ray LaMontagne). All good stuff.

Anyway, thanks for all of your support and friendship; I’m excited about the future that is unfolding in front of me, and for the continued pull towards the deeper waters of faith and life.

God knows that all of us will fall somehow. Those events that lead us to ‘catastrophize’ out of all proportion must be business as usual for God—at least six billion times a day. Like good spiritual directors do, God must say after each failure of ours, ‘Oh, here is a great opportunity! Let’s see how we can work with this!’ After our ego-inflating successes, God surely says, ‘Well, nothing new or good is going to happen here!’ Failure and suffering are the great equalizers and levelers among humans. Success is just the opposite. Communities and commitment can form around suffering much more than around how wonderful or superior we are… There is a strange and even wonderful communion in real human pain, actually much more than in joy, which is too often manufactured and passing.

Like any true mirror, the gaze of God receives us exactly as we are, without judgment or distortion, subtraction or addition. Such perfect receiving is what transforms us. Being totally received as we truly are is what we wait and long for all our lives. All we can do is receive and return the loving gaze of God every day, and afterwards we will be internally free and deeply happy at the same time. The One who knows all has no trouble including, accepting, and forgiving all. Soon we who are gazed upon so perfectly can pass on the same accepting gaze to all others who need it.

Richard Rohr, Falling Upward.

At one point, I wasn’t ready or able to really understand or receive this. Now I think I’m beginning to get it.

Ran into these this morning; really needed them.

When our hope is pure, it no longer trusts exclusively in human and visible means, nor rests in any visible end. He who hopes in God trusts God, Whom he never sees, to bring him to the possession of things that are beyond imagination.

We do not hope for what we have. Therefore, to live in hope is to live in poverty, having nothing… The only thing faith and hope do not give us is the clear vision of (God). We are united to Him in darkness, because we have to hope.

Hope empties our hands in order that we may work with them. It shows us that we have something to work for, and teaches us how to work for it.

Thomas Merton, No Man is an Island

Hope is the gift that I desperately need, but it is a severe gift. It is not a comfortable, warm and fuzzy naiveté. It is a mature, open-eyed relationship with reality and the One who stands above, behind and inside reality.

As with everything: It ain’t easy, but it’s simple.

There’s the prayer I pray—the words you speak, the words that form on my lips…

Our Father, who exists everywhere, always
Keep your Name set apart and special
May your Kingdom come, and your will be done
In my life and in this world just as it is done in your presence

Give us today the things we need for today
And forgive our shortcomings as we forgive other people theirs

Please keep us from harm and times of trial
And deliver from us from Evil

The kingdom is yours, and yours is the power, and the glory
Forever and ever,
Amen.

… and then, there’s the prayer I live.

My ego, who lives in me,
Keep my reputation intact.
MY agenda come true,
MY will come be imposed
On everyone, just like it is in my mind.

Give ME everything I want (and I mean EVERYTHING) forever and always
And strike down those who think I’m less than “all that”
And keep me oblivious to mown faults.

For I rule this world, I have the power
And I get the the glory.
Forever and ever.
(And I don’t care if anyone agrees with this or not.)

It was a wake up call when I realized that the two don’t match.

We cannot borrow (spirituality), putting it on for an hour or a day, using it like a cloak to cover the hardness in our heart or the angry or jealous thoughts in our mind. Spirituality is not a pet project that we can take up for a month two; it is never a ‘hobby.’

The Spirituality of Imperfection: Storytelling and the Search for Meaning

I AM the mournful wail at midnight.
I AM the knife, the bottleneck on the strings.
I AM the dark night, and I am the walker.
I AM the cold ground, and I am the one sleeping.
I AM the wail.
I AM the flat five.
I AM the blue note.

Poem fragment, from writing exercise.

 In that day you will say:
“I will praise you, Lord.
    Although you were angry with me,
your anger has turned away
    and you have comforted me.
² Surely God is my salvation;
    I will trust and not be afraid.
The Lord, the Lord himself, is my strength and my defense;
    he has become my salvation.”
³ With joy you will draw water
    from the wells of salvation.

⁴ In that day you will say:
“Give praise to the Lord, proclaim his name;
    make known among the nations what he has done,
    and proclaim that his name is exalted.
⁵ Sing to the Lord, for he has done glorious things;
    let this be known to all the world.
⁶ Shout aloud and sing for joy, people of Zion,
    for great is the Holy One of Israel among you.”

Isaiah 12

¹³ “Keep silent and let me speak;
    then let come to me what may.
¹⁴ Why do I put myself in jeopardy
    and take my life in my hands?
¹⁵ Though he slay me, yet will I hope in him;
    I will surely^[a] defend my ways to his face.
¹⁶ Indeed, this will turn out for my deliverance,
    for no godless person would dare come before him!
¹⁷ Listen carefully to what I say;
    let my words ring in your ears.
¹⁸ Now that I have prepared my case,
    I know I will be vindicated.
¹⁹ Can anyone bring charges against me?
    If so, I will be silent and die.

Job Chapter 13

We must be consumed either by the anger of the storm god or by the love of the living God. There is no way around life and its sufferings. Our only choice is whether we will be consumed by the fire of our own heedless fears and passions or allow God to refine us in his fire and to shape us into a fitting instrument for his revelation.

Thomas Cahill, The Gifts of the Jews