You tell yourself, over and over again, how much you crave spiritual growth, transformation, enlightenment, sainthood, etc., and etc.
But are you really ready?
To be honest, your cravings are still laced with very human, ego-ladened desires: growth, transformation, enlightenment, etc., with the “understanding” that you will then be admired, sought out, revered.
But when your eyes and ears are open enough, and when your heart is tender and ready, you know that the growth and change you claim to desire also comes with service and compassionate love to and for others.
To summarize and paraphrase many mystics, you cannot shut yourself up in solitude in order to escape humanity. That is not true solitude, and is even a potential recipe for a life consumed with self.
Which is the very definition of hell.
So if you claim that you are ready for this journey up the mountain, you should be prepared to embrace other human beings with an open, radical love.