Wandering and Practicing.

Faith is practice, and practice is faith.

I crave results; I crave life change and restoration and healing. I pray; I worship; I try to serve.

I trust, and I believe.

And I wait. Wait for things (things meaning ME) to change.

But change is difficult, and seems to come ever so slowly, if at all.

I know in my head that it’s a practice of faith, that it’s training, and training is about learning and trying (even occasionally failing and falling).

But I am ready for the day that I see the transformation that I desire.

Hunger for it. Wait for it.

But even in that hunger, I betray another area of my life that is ripe for growth, because I forget how I got into this mess in the first place. I forget how long it took me to establish my patterns and habits of brokenness.

And therefore, I forget how long it may take me to build habits of humililty and submission to God’s Word and His Spirit.

As my mentor and spiritual guide says, “You didn’t walk into the forest overnight, you will NOT walk out overnight either.”

I can get disheartened by how long REAL change takes. I want it now, just like the rest of my microwave culture.

But for me even part of the essence of my growth is to release expectations and evaluations and to simply show up, to every day renew my faith and trust in this God who is guiding me around, through (and eventually out of) my own little desert.

Even to release those expectations and desire to evaluate is, I guess, some sign of maturity and growth.

Keep walking.

 

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