Haven’t posted here in a while; I’ve been processing through so many things.
By nature, I like revolution over evolution. My idea of change is an abrupt rupture. “Break it or leave it.”
I also function in three-year seasons. Any intelligent person could see it in my resume. I get restless, and I want to try something new. It’s a function of a few things, I think:
- My restless nature
- My hunger for new things
- My pleasure in bringing sustainable order to chaos
- My resistance to deep community
So I’ve been here for 3 years, and the urge is simmering, boiling and rising. I look around me, and see both evolutionary and revolutionary change. The consequences for this now are so much larger, as I have kids who are rooted and grounded, with friends of their own, but I am also a child of Abraham, following a God who calls us to leave our homes and follow him.
As far as I can see, I have one of three paths in front of me (always leave room for more, though, YHWH likes to surprise):
- Stay and grow through this job, go deeper into community, and enjoy watching my children grow up;
- Cut the cord and step into a more challenging leadership role (that I am simultaneously confident in and terrified of); OR
- Cut the cord, trade in my ministry toys, and go play somewhere else.
I have been in vocational ministry for 10 years. Essentially, I have been doing the same job, though largely through passion and choice. Still, the same job?
Isn’t it time to grow? Time to stretch muscle and sinew? I’m wrestle with the fact that maybe my malaise in life has been a result of not aspiring high enough, not risking enough, rather than too much. After all, I’m not aspiring to anything that people haven’t told me before that I was capable of.
One thing is for sure; something is coming; always is…